


The First Mistress

by buckyscrystalqueen



Series: The First Mistress [1]
Category: The Walking Dead, The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-16 00:13:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16943355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckyscrystalqueen/pseuds/buckyscrystalqueen





	1. Chapter 1

Fear rattled you to your core as you clutched your thankfully sleeping one year old to your chest, using your arms in a vain attempt to conceal him unsuccessfully from the large group of people that surrounded you and the group you were with. You could feel the rocks you were being forced at gunpoint to kneel on digging in to your knees and shins but you didn’t dare move. 

You could barely hear someone talking as he paced the group, warning you of his terrifying leader. You cradled the back of your son’s head and tucked your tear covered face into the mess of brown curls on his head as you tried to figure out just how you ended up here. 

You had been doing alright on your own since the world turned. Not great by any stretch of the imagination; just surviving as well as a pregnant woman and then single mother could. You had stumbled upon this little group by accident only a week after your son, Michael was born. Sure Jason, the leader of your small group moved you around a lot out of necessity but that was the world you lived in. Safe didn’t exist anymore.

“Let’s meet the man!” You shook your head as a choked sob escaped from your throat, silently pleading to be anywhere but here at that moment. Your son…

“Pissin’ our fuckin’ pants yet?” Your head whipped up at the sound of his voice; a voice you never thought you’d hear again. A voice that used to whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you drifted off to sleep before he went back home, laughing and joking with you as he ‘tried’ to help you cook dinner by distracting you with kisses. Your feet moved before you could tell them not to and you were almost instantly met with a gun to the forehead.

“Negan!” You yelped as you tried to find his face in the dark shadow of the truck he had been in. He appeared almost instantly, just as handsome as the day you met.

“Put that fucking gun down, now!” He shouted as he started to run toward you, pausing only a moment when he saw the little boy in your arms. “Is he…”

“Yes.” You gasped as you weakly stumbled toward him. He closed the distance and wrapped you and his son in his arms.

“You weren’t at the house.” He whispered as he tangled his gloved hand in your dirty, twig tangled hair. “I came back after…”

“I had to leave.” You sobbed as you curled your free hand in his leather jacket. “I tried to find you…”

“I’m here now, (Y/N). I’m right fucking here.” You nodded as he straightened and kissed your temple. “Who ever has her fucking bag and weapon, bring it up, now! Simon, come take these two back to the fucking Sanctuary. Set ‘em up in my room and make sure she has what ever the fuck she needs for herself and the little boy. And get ‘em something to eat.” He leaned down to your level and cupped your cheek in his hand. “You’re safe, baby girl. You’re both safe.” You nodded as he kissed the top of his son’s head.

“Michael.” You said softly. “His name is Michael.” A smile spread across his face as he looked up at you.

“It’s perfect, baby girl.” He kissed your forehead once more. “Go on, sweetheart. I won’t be far behind you. Simon will take good care of both of you.” He pointed to a man with a handlebar mustache to your left and waved him over. “Take Fat Joey, Dave and Wade with you. Nothing happens to her, you hear me? Send Carson in to check on both of them.” Simon nodded as he handed you your backpack. With one last kiss to your forehead, Negan sent you on your way, his eyes never leaving you until the truck you were in was out of sight. With a lighter pep in his step, he turned back around to the group that had tried to steal from his outpost with a grin.

“You fucks are lucky you kept those two fucking safe… but still… you stole from me… and for that, you’re gunna have to pay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had never seen your son so happy (or so clean) as he walked around in just a diaper on Negan’s gorgeous king-size bed, babbling away in only partially coherent sentences. He waved his favorite dirty, stuffed duck around in the air as he stepped over your outstretched leg. His pudgy toes caught on your shin and he fell on the plush grey comforter. He immediately looked at you to assess his feelings.

“Uh oh!” You said with a laugh as you covered your cheeks and dropped your mouth into an ‘o’ shape. “What happened?! Go boom?” He laughed loudly as he grabbed your offered hand and pulled himself back up. He held on until he studied himself on the unfamiliar terrain before letting go of your hand to continue his exploration of the bed. You heard a knock on the door and out of instinct, you reached out and carefully grabbed your son; bringing him a little closer to you just in case.

“Come in.” You were just about to put Michael on your lap when Negan walked briskly into the room. He made it two steps before he got his first good look at the little boy who was practically his twin and froze.

“Well I’ll be damned.” He said softly as he slowly walked over to the bed. You let go of Michael, who was a very friendly child, and just waited. Like you knew he would, he walked over and tried to hand Negan his duck.

“He’s sharing his toy.” You said as Negan held his hand out. With a deep chuckle, he took the dirty duck from his son, who began talking up a storm once again.

“Honey, he’s so beautiful.” He said softly as he sat down on the edge of the bed. He looked up at you with tears in his eyes and shook his head. “(Y/N)…”

“It’s OK.” You said softly as you scooted toward him. “I waited as long as I could before they quarantined the neighborhood. After that I knew I needed to get out to find you because they wouldn’t have let you in. From there I just bounced around by myself until after he was born. I’ve been with that group you found me with for the last year. I just… I knew I had to keep going.”

“Well I’m here now. You never have to fucking worry about anything ever again.” You nodded as you wrapped your arm around your son so he wouldn’t fall off the bed and scooted toward the love of your life. He grabbed the back of your neck and crashed his lips to yours, desperately. Tears of joy fell down your cheeks as you cupped his beard covered jaw and you only forced yourself away when Michael started to fuss loudly at being held to long.

“He’s very independent just like his daddy.” You said as your little one scrambled away from you so he could walk around again. Negan laughed as he scooted up the bed so he could lean on the headboard.

“We don’t have any stuff for him here. So we’re gunna go out here in a fucking minute and pick shit up.” You nodded as you scooted up the bed to sit next to him.

“Do you care if I go?” Negan looked over at you and you shrugged. “It’s just… I know what he likes.”

“I don’t fucking trust leaving him with anyone here.” You glanced over at Michael as an embarrassed blush crossed your cheeks.

“He was raised out there, Negan.” You looked over at him with a hint of tears in your eyes. “He knows how to be quiet when I need him to be.” Your long lost boyfriend looked like you had just slapped him across the face.

“Jesus, sweetheart. I should have never fucking left you alone… and pregnant.” You shook your head as you reached forward to pull your wandering son away from the edge of the bed.

“You didn’t know, baby. I found out about a week before shit went down and I didn’t know if I even wanted…” Your mouth snapped shut at what you were admitting and you shook your head. The idea that you even thought about aborting your baby boy turned your stomach. “It made me stronger.” You looked over at him with a tight lipped smile. “Made him stronger, too.” He nodded as he tossed his legs over the side of the bed.

“I’ll let you go on one fucking run just for stuff for him. Then, you don’t leave these walls, we clear?” You nodded as you got off the bed after him.

“That’s fine. If I never go back out there again it would be too soon.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Negan watched in awe as you got Michael to fall asleep in your old baby carrier almost instantly. You pulled a blanket from your messenger bag and tucked it around him so not an inch of his skin was showing then you pulled out the spike vest.

“Well damn.” Negan chuckled as you slid your arms into the vest and pulled the jean material up to Michael’s back. You smirked as you tied the vest, that had at least two dozen, foot long, sharp, wooden spikes sticking out of the front of it behind your back.

“Fuckers weren’t getting to my baby.” You said with a shrug as you tied the straps behind your neck. “Made this when I was pregnant.” He nodded, proudly as you pulled your bowie knife out of your bag.

“That’s my girl.” You smirked as you looked up at the baby store you were standing in front of.

“Alright. I’ll be quick. I know he hasn’t eaten much since last night…”

“Boys, check it first.” Negan held you back for a moment as men from his crew headed up to the front of the store.

“So you’ve been up to no good, I see.” You teased as he lit a cigarette. He chuckled as he passed it over to you before lighting his own.

“Yea, about that.” You cocked your eyebrow at him as you took a long drag of the first cigarette you had had in months. He took his own drag, exhaling sharply as he look anywhere but at you. “I lost Lucille… but…” He sighed again and looked down at his boots. “I have… some wives.” You eyebrows flew to your hairline as he looked at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Wow. You had a hard time handling two of us…” His anxious look dropped to one of annoyance as a smile spread across your face.

“Shut the fuck up.” He snapped as he looked up at you completely. “I’m trying to be fucking serious here.”

“And I’m not? Negan, as long as I’ve known you, you have never been a one woman kinda guy. Should I be surprised to learn that when you thought the two women you loved were dead you moved on?” You shrugged your shoulder and looked under the blanket at your son. “So do I move up to the top of the food chain as your baby mama?” You looked up at him through your lashes as you put the blanket back down and tucked it into the top of your shirt.

“Darlin’ you’ll be the only fucking one. Always were.” You smirked at the blatant lie as you took a long drag of your smoke and headed toward the baby store.

“I used to believe that, my love. Now, I know better that to put all my eggs in that basket.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Michael was mesmerized as he sat at the end of the bed silently and watched ‘Cars 2’ on the TV Negan had in his room. The bright colors and talking cars were unlike anything he had ever seen before and he couldn’t look away no matter what you bribed him with. You loved having the luxury of electricity again; that and showers were two luxuries you never realized how much you had taken for granted before the apocalypse.

“He always this quiet?” Negan asked as the two of you laid on his bed, watching your son. You huffed and shook your head.

“He’s never seen a TV before. I give it a day before he’s back to his talkative self.” Negan nodded as he put his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his side.

“I meant what I said today at the store.” You looked up at him as he brushed his thumb across your arm. “You’re gunna be the only one…”

“Negan…”

“I’m serious, (Y/N).” He said as he looked down at you. His eyes searched yours as the past that he worked so hard to bury comes back up. “If she hadn’t gotten sick…”

“What, you would have left her and been with me? Negan, I wasn’t a fool back then…”

“Why can’t you just…” His jaw snapped closed when he realized he was raising his voice. You and Lucille were the only ones that he would check himself with. He took a deep, steadying breath and glanced up at the ceiling before looking back at you. “I love you, (Y/N). I never lied to you when I told you that. I don’t know if I ever would have been able to leave her to be with you so that… that was a lie and I apologize for leading you on for years.” He reached up and cupped your jaw in his hand as he searched your eyes. “But had it not been for her, you would have had my whole heart. Just like you did when she died. My heart is yours, baby girl. The wives I have here are just warm bodies. I don’t want anyone in my arms but you.”

“Then prove it.” He looked at you for only a moment before nodding his head and letting you go.

“Come on, little man. Daddy’s gotta prove a point.” Your eyebrows arched as he picked up his son and headed out of his room. He paused for a moment at the door and looked at you expectantly. “You comin’?” With a small shake of your head in disbelief, you got off the bed and followed after him. He walked down stairs as Michael began talking his ear off and Negan just fed right into it.

“Yea? Tell me more? Uh huh? No way! Then what?” You smirked as he paused at a door and pulled it open. “Ladies! Get your fine fucking asses down stairs for a very fucking important announcement.” He pushed the door partially closed and continued his conversation with the little boy on his hip. You glanced over your shoulder at the small group of nervous looking women that exited the room and followed you and Negan. As he told Simon to gather every one for a meeting, the wives were all whispering to each other, probably trying to figure out who you were. 

“Wait here, (Y/N).” Negan said as he paused at a doorway. He leaned against the wall next to it and moved Michael so he could stand on his stomach.

“Oh look, a baby!” You spun toward which ever wife it was and yanked a knife out of your pocket. You flicked it open and held it toward the one that was closest to you.

“Walk away.” You growled as you moved between her and your son. The girl, who had to have been at least five years younger than you, gasped and looked at Negan.

“Are you gunna…”

“I’d fucking listen to her, Frankie.” Negan said simply as he kept his eyes locked on his son. You glared at the woman, who returned the look as she stormed through the doorway toward whatever was beyond that.

“One of my replacements?” You asked as you put your knife back in your pocket. His face hardened as he looked over at you.

“Don’t say shit like that.” You nodded your head sarcastically as Simon walked over.

“Everyone’s down there.” Negan nodded as he pushed off the wall.

“Ready to prove mommy wrong, big boy?” You followed after him, onto a giant catwalk that circled a massive space that was filled with what looked like various booth. You figured this had to essentially be the Sanctuary’s store. “Here’s the deal.” Negan called out to the hundreds of people that were kneeling down below. “Shit’s about to fucking change.” He pointed to his wives with a giant smile. 

“These ladies are no longer my wives.” There was a collective gasp from below, which he ignored and continued. “They will be working for points as of tomorrow morning and will be given jobs just like everyone else. Those of you who have an open bed in your room, let one of the ex’s know so they have a place to sleep tonight and check in with Wade in the morning with your new bunk assignments and jobs. This is (Y/N). The ONLY wife. Treat her with the same respect as you do me. And this little boy here is my son, Michael. Spittin’ image if I do say so myself. Fate seems to have brought the love of my life and my boy back to me. Stay. The FUCK. Away from him. My wife will fucking cut you and I won't feel fucking sorry. As you were! Simon, I need you.” He turned to look at you with a smile. “Your move, baby girl.”

“Show off.” You said as you reached up and took your son from him as Simon jogged up the stairs.

“Yea, boss?” Negan wagged his finger at his second in command as he headed back to his room.

“I want the ex-wives room cleaned out and scrubbed clean by morning. It’s gunna be a play room so my boy has somewhere safe to be a kid. After that, the room next to mine so we can turn it into a room for him. Tomorrow morning, I want you to head out to that toy store. Bring back every single toy you find, no matter the intended gender, along with all kids DVDs, baby clothes and supplies. Just incase my real wife and I decided we want to try for number two.”

“Negan!” He chuckled as he paused at the stairs leading up to his room and shrugged.

“What? I missed the first pregnancy, I want another chance to be there some day.” You rolled your eyes as Negan dismissed Simon for the night. You looked at your son as you walked around your new self proclaimed husband and headed upstairs.

“Listen to your daddy. As if I wanna have another one of you running around.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Negan’s crew had come through in 48 hours with enough toys and stuffed animals to last an entire school of children a life time. Colorful, cardboard blocks were stacked three feet high in the corner next to a stack of boxes of musical instruments that had to be from a school nearby. A small trampoline with a safety fence around it and a connected slide stood in the other corner next to a giant ball pit and a small, plastic basketball hoop. A large toy car, train table, a plastic castle with another little slide, play mats and a small TV lined the back wall, all waiting for a child to play with them. Your son squealed and toddled into the room as fast as his little legs would carry him.

“Wow.” Negan chuckled as he leaned against door frame and watched his little boy run around in circles, looking at everything and trying to wrap his little mind around which toy he wanted to play with first. You looked over at him with tears in your eyes. “Thank you.”

“Nothin’ but the fuckin’ best for my little boy, baby girl.” You smiled and looked back at your pride and joy as Negan pointed at a brown cabinet next to the instruments.

“You got some batteries in there for the toys. Not many because they are fuckin’ hard to come by so use them sparingly. Some toys for when he gets a little older, too. When I’m here, we can put the battery in the car and take it out back so he can drive around. And Arat, one of the women from the crew found the mother load of DVDs and a bunch of fucking books and coloring books and fucking crayons and shit. They’re all in there, too. Outlets and the shades on the windows were all baby-proofed and the door locks from the inside and out.” He tapped your arm and handed you a key on a chain. “I’ve got the other only one.” You nodded and put the key around your neck.

“You’re amazing.” He smirked and shrugged his shoulder.

“Figured I’d have to make up for missing the first year.” He looked over at Michael, who had managed to already destroy the room with toys, and his brow furrowed. “Do you even know when his birthday is?” You shrugged as you leaned back against the wall and slid down it to the floor.

“I can figure it out if I get a couple calendars. I went by the moon cycles.” You looked over at him as he locked the door and slid down it next to you. “There’s 13 full moons in a year. He’s 14 and a half full moons old so a year and a month give or take a couple days. I was pregnant for almost 10 full moons after the fall but I don’t remember the exact day I stopped paying attention before it fell.”

“I forgot you were into all that shit.” You smiled and nodded.

“Yea, my horoscope and the stars didn’t really prepare me for a damn apocalypse.” You glanced over at him and shook your head. “Yours didn’t either in case you were wondering.”

“I forgot about that sarcasm, too.” You giggled and looked back at your son as he looked into the plastic castle to figure it out.

“That’s why you fell in love with me.” He nodded his head slowly as he watched his little boy with mixed emotions.

“That I did.” The two of you sat in silence for a while, watching your little boy just be a kid; something you never, ever dreamed possible. After a couple minutes, you felt Negan’s hand slide across your lap to find yours. “Did you think I wouldn’t want him?” You shook your head as you squeezed his hand.

“I didn’t know if you could be a father back then. With Lucille being sick…” You shook your head and looked over at him. “I’m sorry you lost her.” He nodded as he brushed his thumb across the back of your hand.

“So am I.” He met your eyes and gave you a small smile. “I’m so glad I found you.” You nodded as you scooted over and rested your head on his shoulder.

“So am I.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You stay close to mommy.” You said as you set your son down in the ‘back yard’- a small field off the side of the power plant you now called home. Michael looked up at you and shook his head.

“No!” You raised your eyebrows at him and crossed your arms over your chest to show you meant business.

“You wanna go back inside?” He shook his head again and you nodded at him. “So then you’re gunna stay close then, right?” He babbled something along the lines of “OK” and toddled off to the swing set one of the guys who worked in the kitchen had built out of scrap pieces of wood. It was rickety as shit, covered in duct tape to prevent splinters and looked severely questionable but after Negan sat on it to prove it was sturdy, you felt comfortable enough to let Michael play on it too.

“He’s a cute kid.” You glanced over at Simon, who was the only person that you allowed near your baby boy other than you and Negan, and nodded.

“Gunna be a real lady killer one of these days. Only a year old and I already got my hands full with him.” You giggled and shook your head. “He is definitely Negan’s kid." 

“Oh, I bet.” He chuckled. He glanced back at some kind of commotion behind the two of you and looked back at you. “Good for a minute?” You nodded as you put your hand on the handle of the bowie knife on your hip and tilted it in the holder toward him.

“I’m good.” With a nod, he jogged off to figure out what was going on. You turned back to Michael and watched him climb up the duct tape covered stairs to get to the little plastic slide on the front. You had learned from the very few times you and your old group had taken him to the park that he absolutely loved slides. A smile stretched across your face as he sat down and kicked his little legs out in front of him. His long-ish, wavy, dark brown hair blew in the breeze as he slid down with a squeal of laughter. 

“(Y/N)!” You turned at the sound of Simon calling your name and came nearly face to face with a walker. The reanimated corpse reached for you and you leapt out of the way as a small wave of panic ripped through your soul. You could tell by the look of him and the walkers behind him that they had some how gotten in from the outside. You spun on your heel, ran toward the swing set and scooped up Michael.

“Hold on, baby. It’s the bad people.” You said as you held him to your chest and pulled out your knife. You waited to move until you felt his little hands latch around your neck in a death grip.

“(Y/N)!” Negan shouted as he ran out of the Sanctuary; his voice sounding miles away over the guttural hiss in front of you. You shouted ‘here’ back to him and slammed the blade of your knife in the side of the dead man’s skull. You ripped it out, splattering you and your son in blood and brain matter. With a sharp kick to the stomach, you sent the corpse flying into another walker as the second one lunged at you. Gun fire finally filled the air as you dropped walker after walker one handed, focusing only on the walker closest to your son first. You didn’t panic anymore; there was no time for that. There was only time for self preservation. 

“Behind me.” Negan shouted as he grabbed your shoulder and pulled you back seconds before a walker grabbed your son’s shirt and your hand. You kept your knife out and in front of you as Negan took a baseball bat to the walker’s head while Simon and a man you didn’t really know from the crew took out others from the sides. When the last walker finally hit the ground, Negan dropped his baseball bat and spun toward you.

“Jacket!” You gasped as your son unintentionally squeezed off your air supply.

“What?”

“Gimme… your jacket… He won’t… let go…” Negan quickly ripped off his jacket and handed it to you. You dropped your knife, kneeled down and put the jacket over Michael’s head to simulate his ‘cave of safety’. It took him a few seconds for him to realize he was safe before he loosened his hold like you had taught him. You panted to catch your breath as you looked up at Negan. “The hell happened?”

“Are you OK?” Negan asked as he kneeled in front of you and lifted the edge of the jacket to check what he could on you.

“We’re fine. What happened?” He sighed as he checked your other arm.

“Herd broke through the fence.” You handed him his jacket back as you pulled Michael away from your chest to do a quick check.

“Goddamn sons-a-bitches.” You grumbled as you put Michael, who was completely un-phased, back against your chest. You watched him for a moment as he grabbed the fidget necklace you had found to keep him calm when you needed him to be. You sat back on your heels and looked up at Negan. “Just another day in fucking paradise, am I right?” His brown eyes searched yours as he huffed a laugh and fell to his hip in front of you.

“Damn baby girl. What did this world do to you?” You shook your head as you pulled a small chunk of flesh from Michael’s hair.

“I kinda wanna cut his hair, but I think it’s so cute long like this.”

“And there’s the scatterbrain I remember so well.” Negan teased as he got back on his knees and stood up. He stuck his hand out and helped you to your feet. “Simon, get the crew to get this shit cleaned up. And patch that fucking fence. That’s the third fucking time since we got here we’ve had a fucking issue with that shit.” He looked down at you as you bent down and grabbed your knife. “Let’s go get you two cleaned up, mama.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You weren’t at the Sanctuary two months before Negan got you pregnant again. That’s why you found yourself sitting on your shared bed, scowling as Negan laughed his ass off.

“I hate you.” You grumbled as he picked up Michael, who was trying to figure out why daddy was laughing.

“What do you want from me, baby?” He asked as he set Michael down on the couch next to him and used his arm and leg as a block for your little monkey.

“I want you to keep it in your damn pants!” He burst out laughing again and shook his head.

“Too late!” With an annoyed scoff, you fell back onto the bed and put your hands on your stomach.

“Why do you have to be so damn sexy?” You asked as you rolled your head to the side to look at him down the side of your body. He shrugged as he pulled his son off the back of the couch.

“Why do you have to be so fuckin’ fertile?” You grabbed one of Michael's stuffed dogs off the bed and chucked it at Negan; causing him to burst out laughing again. “I’m sorry, baby girl. It’s just… It’s too fucking perfect. Look at it this way. This time you have me and the fuckin’ doc. You’re safe in the Sanctuary and you don’t have to worry about those fucking dead pricks. No more fuckin’ spike vests, no worryin’ about two kids by yourself…”

“I just gotta worry about you knockin’ my ass up once a year.” His face softened as he picked up his son and headed over to the bed. 

“If you’re really that fucking concerned about it, I’ll get you some fucking birth control.” You smirked as you took Michael from him and set him on the bed by your head. He immediately grabbed his truck and started scooting it across the bed while making ‘vroom’ and honking noises.

“I’m sure Carson can do a vasectomy…”

“The only person going near my fuckin’ dick is you, sweetheart.” He moved toys and stuffed animals out of his way and laid down on the bed next to you. A smile spread across his face as he reached out and put his hand on your stomach. You looked over at him as he gently brushed his thumb across your skin.

“You happy?” He nodded as he looked up at you.

“God, baby, you have no fucking idea.” He scooted closer to you, gave you a chaste kiss and rested his head against yours on the bed. The two of you laid there quietly, listening to Michael play above you as he gently drew patterns on your stomach. “I should have fucking been there.” You tilted your head toward him and shook it.

“You were right where you needed to be, Negan.” His eyes found yours and he opened his mouth to protest but you cut him off. “Look, I don’t know what you had to do to get to where we are now with this place, but do you really think that if you had your pregnant girlfriend with you, you would have done any of it? Would we have what we have now? Probably not. 

We’d probably be in a small group or just the three, soon to be four of us, living in gas station bathrooms and houses, constantly looking over our shoulders every single day. Yea, we were separated for a while, but we have each other now and that’s all that matters, right?” He nodded and looked up at his son seconds before he got whacked in the face with a stuffed bear. You quickly bit your lip to stop laughing as he looked down at you. “Now imagine that happening when your sleeping on the floor and not a nice comfy bed.”

“Yea, I get your point, thanks.” He said as he reached up and grabbed his son. “C’mere you fucking monster.”

“Dada no!” He squealed as Negan held him to his chest and tickled the little boy. You laughed as you rolled on your side to watch the two loves of your life.

“Alright, bedtime for you. Get your duck.” He lifted his son in the air and moved him back over his head so he could grab his favorite stuffed animal. “Night night kiss mommy.” You watched your son get lifted away from the bed as Negan moved him over your face.

“Ni-ni!” You smiled as your son kissed your nose.

“Night baby love.” You barely had enough time to kiss his cheek before your husband sat up to bring Michael to his room.

“Clear off that bed, baby girl. I’m in the mood to fucking make up for lost time.” You looked up at him through your lashes as he headed toward the door he added in his room. It was now the only door into your son’s room.

“That how we got kids, Negan.” He paused in the door way and looked back at you with a cocky smirk.

“That and lots of practice.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where’s the doggie? Woof woof.” You held up the little kids puzzle and the dog puzzle piece as you sat on the floor of the play room with Michael standing between your legs. You watched your son look back and forth between the piece in your hand and the puzzle. His brow was furrowed in concentration and somewhere, (most likely from your husband) he had picked up sticking his little tongue out between his lips. You fought to hold in your laughter as he raised his little hand and pointed to the dog.

“Yay!” You cheered as you handed him the piece to put into place. “That’s the doggie. Woof Woof.” Your baby boy smiled and clapped his hands. You picked up the cat piece as Negan unlocked the playroom door. You held up your finger to keep him quiet as he locked the door behind him and you held up the cat piece in front of Michael. “Where’s the kitty cat? Meow.” Michael barely paid his dad a glance as he looked back and forth between the piece in your hand and the puzzle. You were so grateful to have puzzles like this, you were so concerned that your son would grow up without any sort of schooling. You felt Negan kneel down behind you as Michael picked out the cat on the puzzle board.

“Yay!” You and Negan cheered as your son took the cat piece and put it in its place. He laughed and clapped his hands, loving the attention and pointed to the next piece. 

“Where’s the cow? Moo.” You asked as you held up the piece and turned toward your husband to whisper. “Watch his face.” You leaned out of the way so Negan could see the cute little tongue thing that apparently was a man thing in your little family. You felt him silently chuckle against your back as Michael pointed the cow.

“Yay!” You both cheered as your baby boy broke out in a fit of giggles and took the piece from your hand. You picked up the pig and handed it to Negan.

“Where’s the pig, son? Oink oink.” You bit your lip to hold back your giggle at hearing ‘Big Bad Negan’ making a pig noise. He muttered ‘shut up’ in your ear as your son studied the puzzle board.

“Leaving us again?” You asked quietly as he rested his chin on your shoulder. He nodded and kissed your neck.

“They can wait a minute.” He replied as his son pointed out the pig. You both cheered, receiving laughter and clapping from the one year old between your legs as he took the piece.

“You’re a good father, baby.” You said softly as he picked up the last piece; a horse.

“Tell anyone and you can meet my bat.” You giggled and nodded as he asked Michael where the horse was (with a God awful horse noise). You knew the bats name; it was almost common knowledge in the Sanctuary but you knew he wasn’t going to rub Lucille’s name in your face. You appreciated it, but you still felt a little hurt by it. It wasn’t like he didn’t love you but it sucked to be reminded every day that he still loved Lucille more.

“Yay!” You both cheered as Michael pointed to the last open spot. He put it into place and stepped over your leg to get the next puzzle off the floor. Negan’s arms wrapped around your waist and his hands came to rest on your nonexistent baby bump.

“I’ll be gone a few days. You be safe, sweetheart. Keep my babies safe.” You nodded as you leaned to the side to look up at him.

“You be careful, you hear?” He smirked and nodded his head.

“Yes ma’am.” With a chaste kiss, he stood up and went over to his son. “Alright, buddy. Be good for mommy.” He picked him up, wrapped him in a bear hug and held his son close. He always held on a moment or two longer than necessary, trying to make up for lost time before putting him back down on the ground. He came over to you, bent down and gave you one more kiss. “Love you.” 

“Love you too, baby.” With a small smile, he watched Michael stepped back over your leg with the fruits puzzle before heading out the door, locking you and your son inside the play room. You helped your son pull all the pieces out and set them on the table with a smile.

——

You only half heard yelling and gun shots over the sound of the Baby Einstein you were watching while your son laid in your lap. By the time the sound fully registered in your brain, it was right outside the play room door. You scrambled to your feet and ripped the power cord to the TV out of the wall, plunging the room into silence. You spun around and crouched down. Your son watched you as you put your finger over your mouth and he followed suit.

You thanked God that you had convinced Negan to let you keep your spike vest and the baby carrier on top of the metal cabinet in the room you were in. As quietly as you could as the sounds of doors down the hall being thrown open in the hall got closer and closer, you darted over and grabbed what you needed. You sent out another silent ‘thanks’ as your fingers wrapped around the grip of a gun that didn’t belong to you.

“Come here, baby.” You whispered as you put the carrier on. Your son, who thankfully was a smart child, toddled over silently, grabbing his favorite duck on the way. You picked him up and covered him with the blanket as his little fist wrapped around his fidget necklace. Tears filled your eyes as you tied on the familiar vest and had a moment where you realized that you were going to have to find Negan while pregnant with a one year old.

The handleless door rattled as someone tried to pull on the deadbolt from the outside. You grabbed the duffle bag you had stashed in the bottom of the cabinet and the fire escape ladder under the window.

“Get those pins out. There must be something good in here.” Your hands shook as you yanked open the window and glanced outside. With the coast clear, you shoved the handgun in the back of your jeans, checked your bowie knife on your hip and climbed out the window seconds before the door was ripped away from the frame. You scrambled as fast as you could down the ladder from the second story window, focusing on your son who happened to be singing the theme song to the video he was just watching. 

The second your feet hit the ground, you put your hand on the back of Michael’s head and took off running toward the fence that lined the woods. You unclipped the small section of fence that was made for you by Negan just for a situation like this and only big enough for you to fit through. You could hear gunfire being shot toward you as you darted into the trees with one destination in mind. 

“Stay quiet, baby boy.” You said softly as you pulled your knife from it’s holder. You kept your feet moving as the sounds of gunfire faded in the distance and you didn’t stop until you were sure you were far enough away from your home. 

“You meet me here.” Negan said on the way back from the toy store that first day. You looked over at the small town as he pointed at a motel at the end of it. “Room 7. You stay there until I come for you.” 

You slowed to a stop once you were sure you were far enough away and sobs wracked through your body. You leaned against a tree and untied the top of your spike vest to check on your son.

“I wan’ dada.” He cried softly, knowing he can’t be too loud out in the woods. You nodded as you pulled off the duffle and slid down the tree.

“I know baby.” You breathed as you pulled open your bag and grabbed a bottle of water and a sippy cup. “I want daddy, too.” You only stayed sitting down long enough for both of you to get some water before you forced yourself off the ground. You covered your crying son back up, put the vest back on and threw your duffle back on to continue your trip through the woods. You kept telling yourself not to cry; that you were gunna be OK once you hit the town. You kept telling yourself that your husband would find you and you and your kids would be home soon… but you couldn’t believe it. 

By the time the sun was setting, you had killed four walkers and you saw no end to this trip in sight. You managed to find a dead tree with a decent sized cut out and decided that it would make as good of place as any to call it a night. You ducked inside and used your bowie knife and your pocket knife to tie up the top of spike vest and your foot and hip to hold the bottom down as a shield. You pulled Michael out of the carrier and made sure that he was fed and changed before using your decent sized duffle as his bed. 

You picked at what Michael couldn’t finish, knowing that no matter how hungry you were when it was gone you wouldn’t eat anymore; not if it meant taking food from him. You sat in that tree for hours, listening to every single noise the woods emitted in the darkness. A steady stream of tears poured down your cheeks and your fingers stayed laced over your second child until sun up. You tried not to about the fact that there was a chance this could be your life again.

Michael woke up around 8 like he normally did. You waited awhile to let him stretch his legs for as long as possible as he munched on his Gerber puffs. With a yawn, around 10 or 11, you couldn’t wait any longer. You packed everything up and suited up, much to your son’s disliking, to hit the road. 

You were thankfully a lot closer to the little town than you originally thought. You stayed on the outskirts of the town in the woods for an hour, just making sure it was clear before making your way to the hotel. You ducked into room seven, which was thankfully clear of walkers and locked yourself in the room. You pulled the curtains closed and smiled to yourself; Negan must have stopped by at some point in time and made this room safe. The back window was boarded up and ‘Wait here -N’ was spray painted on the wood. You checked the bathroom to find another small duffle full of food and water and a bag with diapers and boy’s clothes of various sizes.

“Thank you, baby.” You said to the empty room as you peeled off the vest and your duffle. You dropped both of them on the floor, took your napping son out of the carrier and tucked him into the bed. As he slept, you sat by the window and waited; for what, you weren’t sure.


	2. Chapter 2

You forgot how curious little boys could be. You were in the bathroom all of a minute and a half and when you came out, your son had his face pressed against the front window.

“Michael, out of the window.” He turned around to look at you with a giant smile.

“‘orse.” Your brow furrowed for a half second before someone knocked on the door. You snatched the gun off the dresser and ran to the window.

“Leave now!” You called out as you yanked your son out of the window. He burst into tears and yelled ‘horse’ again.

“Ma’am, we’re not here to hurt you. We wanna help.” Someone said from the other side of the door. You shook your head at nothing as you tried to wrestle your son away from the window.

“We’re fine, just go!”

“Look, we have food and water. Please, let us help you and your son.” Tears filled your eyes as you shook your head again.

“My husband’s coming for us. We’re fine.” He stayed quiet for a moment and you heard the sound of a walker hitting the ground right outside the window.

“Look, can you at least open the door a crack so we aren’t ringing the dinner bell for the dead? You can leave the chain on the door and everything. I promise, I won’t try anything, I just wanna talk.” You looked down at your son, who was straining to get to the first real horse he had ever seen and sighed.

“Back up to the black top.” You called out as you glanced out the window at the tall blonde in some kind of riot gear. “Guns down, only knives for the walkers.” You watched the man nod at the closed door as he backed up. You didn’t move a muscle as he and his friend exchanged a few words before finally putting their guns down. You picked up your squirming son and put him on your hip as you cocked your gun and opened the door.

“See, we’re fine.” You snapped as your son stretched to reach the horse. The first man nodded as he gestured to your son.

“Cute kid.” You nodded and turned your hip so your son was more in the room.

“Thanks, now can you leave us be?” Your eyes darted around for the dead as your son started to throw a temper tantrum on your hip. 

“Shit, lady. Let him see the damn horse.” Your head whipped toward the brunette and you pointed your gun at him.

“You wanna fucking die today, shit head?” You snapped as you tried to keep your son in your arms.

“Sam, walk it off.” The first one said as he stepped between you and his partner with his hands raised. He looked up at you with a smile as Sam walked away. “Look, if you really wanna stay, then we’ll leave you be. But Sam’s right. Your boy just wants to see the horse and he’s gunna call all the biters…”

“Just… fuck bring the fucking horse here.” You put your gun on the table as the man clicked his tongue his horse. You turned your body so you were in the door frame as the man brought his pet right up to the door.

“Gentle, baby.” You said as you turned Michael so his back was too your chest and took his hand in yours. He stopped crying almost immediately as you gently put his little hand on the horses nose.

“‘orse, mama.” He said with a giggle as you guided his hand to show him how to pet the horse. You smiled weakly and nodded as your son made the same terrible horse noise his father made.

“We have walls, good walls. No matter how much he cries, none of the dead can hear him. You can leave a note for your husband to find you there. We can keep you safer than you would be in this hotel room.” He pointed to the window as Michael leaned forward and hugged the horse. “All it would take is a small group of them to get through that window.” You glanced over at where he was pointing, knowing he was right and sighed.

“Fine. But I’ll only come with you if you can guarantee I can come back here during the day to see if my husband shows up.” The man nodded and stuck out his hand.

“I’m David.” You nodded as you took his hand.

“(Y/N). This is Michael.” He smiled as he glanced at the boy in your arms.

“I’ll give you two a couple minutes to get your stuff.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s just an introduction.” David said as he led you into the auditorium of the school that was the Kingdom. “King Ezekiel likes to meet everyone coming to stay at the Kingdom.”

“We’re not staying.” You said for what felt like the hundredth time. He nodded as he stopped at the end of the row of seats. You only had to wait a moment before the dreadlocked man you had to assume was ‘the King’ walked onto the stage… with a giant tiger in tow.

“Are you insane?” You asked over the big cat’s roar. Michael, who had been sitting on your hip, panicked at the animal he had never seen before and the loud noise and tried to use your body as a jungle gym to get away.

“Wait, it’s OK.” Someone on the stage said as you walked backwards in terror until you tripped over your own feet. You landed hard on your ass and didn’t stop moving backwards as Michael screamed.

“David, escort the lady and her child outside. I will speak with her outside without Shiva present.”

“It’s a fucking tiger.” You said more to yourself as David came over to help you off the ground. You looked up at him, stunned as Michael clung to your neck. “It’s a fucking tiger!” He nodded as he helped you too your feet.

“She’s very friendly. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you. You kinda forget she’s there after a while.” You glanced up at him with your mouth open and shook your head.

“How the fuck do you forget a fucking tiger?!” You stepped out into the sunlight of the courtyard as you shook your head and tried to calm down your son. David left you alone for a bit as you sat down on a bench and moved Michael more on your lap. His screams turned to gut wrenching cries of ‘dada’ as you sang ‘Hotel California’ by The Eagles; a song he would most likely recognize as one off one of the records Negan liked to listen to a lot, as you ran your fingers through his hair. After a while, Michael finally cried himself to sleep on your shoulder.

“My apologies, m’lady.” You glanced up as the King walked over to you. “I forget that children in this world may not know of what a tiger may be. May I?” You glanced to the spot next to you on the bench he was gesturing to and nodded.

“Just… not a common household pet, you know?” He chuckled and nodded his head.

“I assure you, she is quite friendly. Maybe in due time, we can attempt that meeting once more.” With a small shake of your head, you gave him a small smile.

“I won’t be here long enough for that.” He nodded his head slowly as he looked at your son’s sleeping form.

“I’ve been informed your husband is coming for you?” You nodded as you turned on the bench a bit more toward him.

“Yea, he is. I give it only a couple of days. Negan doesn’t stay away from home long so he’ll be back at the hotel within a couple days.” The king nodded his head slowly.

“Negan. What an interesting name.” You nodded and shifted your son on your lap.

“It’s a family name I think…” You tilted your head and giggled. “You know, come to think of it, I’ve never actually asked him where it comes from.” The king smiled and nodded his head.

“Well, I will personally send one of my men down to the hotel for you every day until he returns for you and this precious child.” You gave him a warm smile and a nod.

“Thank you, but there’s no need to send your men. I am capable of protecting my family.” He smiled and reached out to rest his hand on your arm.

“Please, my lady, I must insist. There is no need for the boy to be out in that world unnecessarily. I’m only thinking of the boy.” You studied his face for a moment before relenting.

“Alright.” He smiled and pat your arm.

“May I show you the grounds, lady…?”

“(Y/N). And little man is Michael.” He stood up and bowed his head.

“King Ezekiel. It is an honor to meet you. Come, let’s take a walk.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took you 24 hours to notice something off about the people at the Kingdom. Most of them were very friendly, giving you your space in the unfamiliar environment but it was the members of the King’s court that you noticed were off. Every time you walked past one of them, they would stare at you and your son and whisper to one another as you walked away. At first, you believed you must have had something on your face or clothes but after an hour, you knew it was them. The more it happened, the more uncomfortable you got. 

You couldn’t understand why you were getting this sort of treatment from the court as you were the only one receiving it. You had to wonder if this was a community that had been touched by your husbands. It was part of the speech Jason’s group had gotten; that communities like the kingdom worked for the Sanctuary and after seeing it, you understood why. You home had hundreds of members when Jason’s group only had a dozen and the Kingdom had maybe 50 or 60. Even with the Savior going out for supplies nearly every day, you were constantly just barely making it.

By day two, you had had enough.

“I’d like my stuff. All of it.” You said to a member of the court, whose name you didn’t know.

“I can’t do that, ma’am. The King is unavailable…”

“OK, make him available.” The man shook his head as he watched your son run in a circle around your legs.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t do that.” You pursed your lips and nodded as you reached down and picked up your child.

“Fine. Have it your way.” You stormed back to your room, where you thankfully had a still stocked duffle, your baby carrier and your two knives; your gun and your spike vest had been taken for ‘safety purposes’. As quickly and quietly as you could, you got your stuff and your son together and headed out of the school house and toward the fence. You didn’t want to go out into the world with your son in such a vulnerable position but you’d be damned if you stayed here any longer. Immediately upon reaching the main gate, one of the two guards tried to stop you.

“We can’t open the gate.” One said as you pulled your knife from it’s holder on your hip.

“You’re gunna open the fucking gate, now or I will fucking kill both of you.” The man opened his mouth to say something as the gate began to open. As quickly as you could, you wrapped your arms around your son and ran, slipping past the truck that was trying to get in.

“Let her go! She’s Negan’s.” Someone shouted as you ran as fast as you could down the road. You tried your best to remember how you got to the community but after a half hour of running, you knew you were lost. You broke down in tears in the middle of the road and fell to your knees.

“Damn it!” You shouted as you covered Michael’s ears. He looked up at you, confused, as you screamed at nothing. When you let it all out, you forced yourself to your feet. “Alright baby boy. We’ll just head East. We gotta run in to something or some one eventually, right?” You glanced down at him with a weak attempt at a smile. “Let’s go find daddy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Michael, stop jumping on that seat.” You could feel the entire car rocking and your child’s peels of laughter were probably audible for at least a mile. You thanked God you were in a garage and not on the side of the road as you quickly tried to start the hunk of junk you were in.

“No!” You glanced up at him from where you were crammed under the steering wheel. He had a giant smile on his face as he held the head rest to keep him steady.

“Michael! Knock it off!” You wanted to reach out to grab him but getting this car started was slightly more important at that moment.

“No, mama!” 

“I’m gunna count to three and then I’m strapping your ass into the chair.” You snapped as you finally got the two wires you needed stripped. “One.” You hit the wires together, flinching at the spark that hit the knuckle of your thumb as the car continued to rock. “TWO!” You hit the wires together again and the car roared to life with a squeal. You let out a sigh of relief as you pulled yourself up with the steering wheel. The gauge on the dash told you you had over 3/4 of a tank of gas; making this the biggest score you had ever found. The house in the woods had been essentially been untouched and was full of groceries and medications. Now, with a full tank of gas, you were going to be golden for a while. You glanced over at your boy, who was watching you with his father’s daring smirk as he continued to jump.

“Three.” You got in the car and grabbed your son, who immediately began pitchin’ a fit. You flopped him down in the front seat and yanked the seatbelt over his lap. You locked it in place as he hit you in the face with his tiny fists, his sharp, little thumb nails catching your skin perfectly to leave shallow cuts across your eye and cheek. You had to wonder where this sudden rage had come from because he had never been like this before.

“I warned you, you little butt.” You said as you tucked the top strap behind his back so he wouldn’t get choked. With a satisfied huff, you rolled down the driver’s side window so you wouldn’t get locked out of the car. You grabbed a two by four off the ground and headed back to the garage door. You hesitated for a moment to see if there were any walkers outside before pulling open the garage door and propping it open. You quickly ran back to the car, jumped in and pulled out of the garage, knowing full well that your screaming, currently bratty child was going to draw the attention of any of the walkers around you.

“Here, eat this and hush.” You said as you reached back into the back seat and grabbed a chocolate bar from one of the bags. You ripped it open, broke off a piece and handed it to your son. “See if that will shut you up.” Michael took the offered treat he had never really gotten to experience. He put the candy bar in his mouth and his fussing instantly stopped.

“That yummy?” You asked with a glance over at him as he devoured the most likely stale chocolate. He nodded his head with a hum as you picked up the map from the dash. “Yea, kid. I know it is. You’re lucky I love you. Not even daddy could get chocolate from mommy.”

“Dada.” You nodded as you glanced at the map you were holding on the steering wheel and turned down a side street that hopefully led back to the hotel.

“Yea, dada. A long, long time ago, he used to bring mommy chocolate all the time but no matter how much he tried, I wouldn’t give him any of the good stuff.” You glanced over at your boy, who had his hands out for more chocolate. “He got all the coconut ones.” You said as you broke off another small piece and put it in his hands. “And I would let him have some of the caramel ones, too even though I really liked those ones.” Michael hummed as he sucked on the candy in his hand and kicked his dirty legs on the seat. You knew he didn’t understand what you were saying but talking to him was better than staying silent. You pulled down another road, backtracking a bit and broke off a piece of chocolate for yourself.

“Your daddy is a good man, baby boy. Little angry right now, but he’s a good man.” You smiled as you glanced over at your son once more. “He loves you, baby boy. And he will do anything for you.” Your son’s response was simply reaching for more chocolate. The trip back to the motel took a little under an hour and you pulled into the parking lot just as Negan walked out of the room you were supposed to be in. He looked beyond livid for only a moment before he saw you.

“Where the fuck did you fucking go?” He shouted as you pulled in next to one of the trucks.

“Long fucking story. Come get your son, he’s driving me crazy.” Negan headed over to you and paused as he got a look at the side of your face. “Yea, Michael has entered into some sort of fucking combative stage. Probably from rough housing with you.”

“Well boys will be fucking boys.” You bobbed your eyebrows as you popped the hood of the car to cut off the battery. 

“I found food and this thing has three quarters of a tank. And I also found another community.”

“You what?” You glanced over at your husband as he looked at you over the top of the car but you couldn’t read the look on his face.

“‘bout 5 miles that way…” He put his hand up to stop you.

“Dwight, come fucking get this shit out of my wife’s car and the shit in the room and load it the fuck up. Siphon the fucking gas, too. Simon…” He called his second in command over with his finger before doing the same to you. You sighed and headed around the car as Negan picked up his son from the front seat. “Will you fuckin’ look at you. Someone needs a fucking bath.” He told Arat to grab him a towel from the room as he walked a little ways away from the car and the group. “Alright, the fuck can you remember about it, baby girl?”

“Well first of all, the dude thinks he’s a king and he has a fucking tiger.” You watched both men’s eyebrows fly to their hair line and you nodded. “Yea, a mother fucking tiger. Scared the shit out of Michael and I. But I think they know who you are. The second I mentioned that I was your wife, the people that sat on ‘the court’ started acting funny. They would stare when Michael and I walked past and whisper behind out backs. 

I stayed one night before I ran. As I was leaving, someone said to let me go because I was yours. Took me a couple days but I found a house that was decently stocked, and headed straight back here.” Negan nodded and glanced over at Simon while he wiped the chocolate off his son’s hands and face.

“Load ‘em up.” He said as he turned back to Michael. He looked back at you as Simon told the men to get ready to move out. “We’ll see about this…”

“Negan, they helped me…”

“And I fucking told you to fucking wait here no matter fucking what!” He shouted back as he picked up his son. “So get your fucking ass in the fucking truck so you can tell us how to fucking get there. Then, you’re gunna fucking stay in the Goddamn truck!” Tears welled in your eyes as you nearly ripped your now crying son out of his arms.

“I’m right fucking here.” You said where only he could hear you. You searched his hardened eyes as tears fell down your cheeks. You held your son’s face in your shoulder to muffle his cries and took a step closer. “I get that you’re mad but I didn’t put up with your yelling back then and I still won’t now. Treat me with some fucking respect or go back to your other fucking wives and say good bye to your kids.” His eyes narrowed as he took a step closer to you. He carefully swung Lucille right by your side and propped it on his shoulder but you refused to let the silent threat phase you.

“Sweetheart, I would fucking love to see you try.” You took another step closer, swallowing hard against your nerves.

“Don’t fucking try me, Negan. I am not Lucille, you understand me? I will not have my babies raised in a fucking anger based family. I fucking love you and I don’t want to take them away from you… but I will not go through this fucking shit again. You take your fucking anger out on other people, not on your Goddamn family. We clear?” He glared at you as his gloved fist tightened around the handle of his bat. You knew he was pissed but you also knew that you were the only person in the world that could stand up to him… at least you were before.

“Get in the fucking truck.” He growled lowly as he lowered the bat. “We’ll fucking discuss later.” You nodded and quickly scrubbed the tears off your cheeks. You turned on your heel and started soothing your son as you headed toward the truck Simon was in. You passed your son up to him so you could climb in with Negan right behind you. As you sat down and took Michael back, Negan passed you his jacket to calm your son down. You gave him half a nod as the two of you covered the boy with the jacket.

‘On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair. Warm smell of colitis, rising up through the air…’

You saw Negan glance over at you out of the corner of your eye as you sang softly to your son. You forced yourself not to look over as you pointed to the left at a restaurant and kept singing. After a right hand turn, you felt Negan’s arm fall softly on your shoulders. He pulled you into his side and gently kissed the top of your head.

“Sorry, baby girl.” He whispered as softly as he could. You nodded as you dropped one hand to his thigh. You looked over at him as you kept singing, soothing your son into a much needed nap. With a small nod, you pat his thigh and gave Simon one last direction.

“Take this instead.” Negan said as he pulled off his scarf. He helped you switch out the scarf for his jacket as the crew pulled up at the gate of the Kingdom. “You stay in the truck, hear me?”

“Be easy. They did us no harm.” You barely saw the dip of his head as he got out of the truck and waltz up to the opening gates. King Ezekiel and a few members of his court stepped out of the gate (without the tiger) to talk with Negan. You couldn’t hear the conversation through the closed truck windows and doors but you couldn’t miss the looks and gestures Negan and Ezekiel made about you. 

After about twenty minutes, and a few silent, threatening swings of the bat in front of peoples faces later, the Saviors began loading up back in their trucks. Simon and Ezekiel shook hands; solidifying whatever deal Negan had just made as your husband headed back to the truck.

“Happy? I was fucking nice.” Negan said as he climbed into the truck next to you. You gave him a sweet smile and nodded as Ezekiel headed back into the Kingdom and Simon got in on your other side. 

“Thank you, baby.” He rolled his eyes as he peeked under his scarf at his sleeping child.

“Don’t get fucking used to it.”

——

“So the door was still intact, so we’re just fuckin’ reusing it. Still no handle.” You nodded as Negan unlocked the playroom door and pulled it open by the key like usual. “But now, we have this.” You stepped into the room and set Michael down to play as he closed and locked the door behind you. “Ripped it off a fucking store.” You looked up as he pulled a roll cage down to the floor. He pulled four padlocks out of his jacket pocket and held them in his hand. 

“You’ll have the only fucking keys. Window has two, as well.” He looked over at you and shook his head. “Shit goes fucking south, this is where you fucking go.” He unlocked the pad locks and showed you were they go. “No one fucking else in this room but you and our kids. You don’t open this Goddamn door until I get back here.” You watched as he locked the two locks at the bottom to eyed screws that had been screwed into the floor. 

“We’re fuckin' looking for another lockable cabinet to stock with food and water. You’ll be fucking safe in here.” You nodded as he grabbed the handle in the middle of the gate and pulled on it, showing you it was secure. “I don’t want my fucking family out in that fucking hell hole of a fucking world again.” You shook your head and crouched down next to him.

“Hey, we figured this out. Day runs, we go with you and ‘stay in the fucking truck’.” He looked over at you with a deadpan expression at your mocking tone but you continued on before he could interrupt. “You go on longer runs, we stay here. We don’t go outside, stay locked in here during the day and the room at night. Problem arrises, we end up in here in total lock down. We stay in lock down until you come home.”

“Why you gotta be suck a fucking pain in my Goddamn ass, baby girl?” You shrugged as he unlocked the padlocks and raised the gate.

“Negan, I have been a pain in your ass for almost five years. I can’t just stop now that the world went to shit.” He rolled his eyes as he hung the two locks for the door on the roll cage, handed you all the keys before heading over to the window to hang those locks up as well.

“One of these fucking days baby girl, you’re gunna be the fucking death of me.” You smirked and nodded as he grabbed a movie from the cabinet and headed over to the TV.

“And you’ll still love me as a walker, too.”

~~~~~~7 months later~~~~~~~

“Alright. Mama’s officially overriding the ‘family attends day runs’ idea.” You groaned from the full size mattress in the trunk of a fancy Chevy Infiniti FX35. “This is getting ridiculous.”

“Yea well at first it was to fucking keep you safe, now it so I don’t fucking miss this birth, too.” Negan said as he ran his fingers through your hair from the seat in front of you. “So now it’s fuckin’ up to you. Deliver the fucking kid soon, then you won’t have to fucking travel.” You flipped him off as Simon chuckled from the drivers seat. 

“This is cruel and unusual punishment and I’m an angel that deserves neither.” Your husband barked a laugh as he looked over the seat back.

“You’re a fucking monster, don’t try to lie.” You glared up at him and eventually stuck your tongue out. 

“I hate you.” You mumbled as you wiggled on the mattress a bit more and curled yourself around Michael to take a nap. Like usual in the late stages of your second pregnancy, you didn’t remember falling asleep but a gentle tapping on your nose woke you up.

“Mama bad man.” Michael whispered softly as soundless tears rolled down his cheeks. Your brow furrowed as you tried to figure out what he was talking about. You looked up at Negan, who wasn’t there and your heart stopped. Your eyes flew back to Michael and you signaled for him to be quiet.

“Carl, where are you?” Someone growled over a radio in the front seat. You quickly reached up to find one of the two hand guns from under the seat in front of you.

“I’m back, dad, get the gate. You will never believe what I found!” Your fingers wrapped around the grip of one of the guns as the sound of a metal gate opening sent shivers up your spine. You hated yourself right now for sleeping so deeply on a run where you should have been alert at all times. Your heart hammered in your chest as you held your son as close to your body as your daughter growing in your stomach would allow. You felt the car come to a stop and you looked back down at your two year old as Carl got out of the car.

“If anyone tries to take you from mommy, you fight hard. You kick, scratch, and bite and you don’t stop.” He nodded as you pulled yourself into a seated position in the trunk. You cocked your gun as the sounds of voices got louder and headed toward the back of the truck. Michael scooted over and curled into your side.

“…he just left it, keys and all. I had to take it. It’s got a push button start!” Carl said.

“Rick, this is bad. This is very, very bad.” A woman said as the small group stopped right outside the trunk. You took a deep, studying breath as your stomach clenched painfully.

“Don’t you think I know that?!” The man from the walkie, who had to have been Rick snapped as he started to open the back hatch. You raised your gun and forced yourself to smirk as the three people in front of you froze.

“Yea, Rick… you really fucked up this time.” You watched the color drain behind the short, silver beard on his face as a younger boy with a gauze bandage over his eye, who had to have been Carl, slowly backed away. “You’re supposed to be finding supplies, not kidnapping Negan’s pregnant wife and son.” You tilted your head to the side, mockingly, forcing yourself to remain confident despite the fact that you were terrified.

“H-he didn’t mean it.” Rick stammered as he raised his hands in surrender and backed away from the trunk of the vehicle.

“Do you think I care?” You snapped back. “You’re putting me through unnecessary stress and depriving my son of his father.” You chuckled a dark laugh you picked up from your husband. “Your best bet right now is to just kill yourself. Because when he gets his hands on you now… Ooohoo! Is it gunna be a fucking blood bath.” You gestured to Carl with your gun. 

“Give me the keys and your radio. NOW!” Carl scrambled to grab the keys from his pocket and tossed them onto the bed at your feet as Rick handed you his radio. “Close the door and back away. We’ll just wait for Negan.” The woman with dreads, whose name you didn’t catch, tried to protest as Rick shut the trunk. You quickly locked yourself in the truck and set the alarm as you flicked on the radio. You spun the dial to one of the channels you knew one of the satellite stations used and prayed you were close enough.

“Omega, Omega, Alpha Queen down. Switching to Beta channel.”

“Mommy?” Michael said softly as you set the gun down and turned the dial.

“Hold on, baby. I’m trying to find daddy.”

“Go ahead, Alpha Queen.” You turned down the volume of the radio and glanced out the car window as a cramp rolled through your stomach.

“I need a relay to Alpha. Send him to Gamma, code fire.” You didn’t wait for a response before turning the dial to the final radio channel. You leaned forward and looked around to give Negan some sort of description of where you were as the radio crackled in your hand.

“Alpha Queen, you read?” You smirked at your husband’s voice and nodded.

“Yea baby, you got me. Apparently, SOMEONE left the keys in the cup holder of the truck and a little pirate boy decided to go joy riding.” You took your finger off the button to let Negan talk as Michael scrambled to his feet next to you.

“Hi daddy!” He shouted into the radio in your hand. You smiled and held the button down again.

“Say it again.” You told your son as you held the radio a little closer. He smiled to himself as he held onto your knee for balance.

“Hi daddy!” You let go of the button and put your hand on his back as the radio crackled again.

“Hi buddy. Where are you, baby girl?” You glanced out the window and pulled the radio more towards you.

“Some kinda neighborhood looking place. All I can see is metal walls being held up with wood planks.” You let go of the button and waited, knowing that Negan was most likely rallying the crew and screaming about the situation. You felt a second cramp roll through your stomach, slightly stronger than the first and you sat up a bit straighter. “Negan… you need to hurry.”

“I’m coming, sweetheart, hang on. Stay on this fucking channel. If you need me and can’t fucking get me here, go to Gamma. And stay in the fucking truck!”

“We’re locked in. Just hurry, it’s happening.”

“…faster than this! Copy that, baby girl. Just hold on.” You heard the radio crackle for a moment before going silent as Negan switched to another channel. You sighed and set the radio on the bed next to you.

“Looks like we gotta just wait, buddy.” You leaned back against the seat and glanced over at your son as he walked over and grabbed his water cup.

“Ma’am?” You glanced up at Rick as he peeked into the slightly tinted back window with his hands raised. You slowly grabbed your gun as a contraction rolled through your stomach. “It’s really hot out and I don’t want you two overheating in the car. Can I please, at least, turn it on for you? I’ll lock it right back up.” You shook your head at him.

“No need.” He nodded against the glass as he mentally scrambled for a way to fix this.

“Can I at least bring you both some water or something?”

“You can get the fuck away from my car is what you can do. We have what we need in here.” You watched him slowly back up as his head bobbed up and down.

“OK. You got it.” 

“You still with me, baby girl?” You nodded as you picked up the radio with your eyes still on Rick.

“Still here.”

“We’re an hour out. Hold on.” You nodded more to yourself.

“You’re fighting the clock with Miss Kate so I suggest you make it a little faster than an hour.” You looked over at Michael and sighed. “Baby, mommy needs you to go push the car button and turn on the air.” He looked over at you with a giggle and nodded.

“OK, mommy! Can I drive fast, too?” You sighed and wiped away the sweat forming on your forehead.

“Not today, baby.” He nodded as he climbed over the back seat and headed to the front. You watched him closely as he turned on the car on and told him how to turn on the air full blast. After he turned on the air, he climbed back to the mattress in the back.

“Why did we come here?” You shrugged as you put your hand on your lower back and rubbed at a tight spot. 

“I don’t know baby.” He nodded as he walked around on the mattress in circles for something to do.

“Daddy’s coming, too?” You nodded as another contraction rolled through your stomach. You glanced back at the clock to start some semblance of timing them and looked back at Michael.

“Daddy’s coming soon.” He nodded as he watched someone walking past the car.

“Can I go play?” You shook your head as you watched the woman with dreads and a samurai sword stand against the wall to watch your car.

“No baby, we’re gunna stay in the car for a while and wait for daddy.” Your son continued to ask questions at a nearly rapid fire pace; making you more and more anxious with every passing second. Your contractions where getting closer and stronger with every passing minute. You grit your teeth through each one and tried to tell yourself Kate wasn’t coming a week early.

“Sweetheart, you with me?” Tears filled your eyes as Michael asked if he could talk to daddy, too.

“Shut up, Negan!” You screamed into the black box as your water broke. Your son’s eyes went wide and his jaw snapped closed as someone banged on the back window of the car.

“(Y/N)! Talk to me!”

“Mommy, are you OK?”

“Hey… we have a doctor here… She…”

“Every one just shut up!” You snapped to the three guys at the same time. “I fucking have this.”

“Sweetheart, listen to me. Let the prick help you until I fucking get there.”

“No.” You whined as you tried to shift to a slightly more comfortable position.

“Mommy….”

“Prick, if you can fucking hear me, just break the fucking window and fucking help her!” It was only a matter of seconds before the drivers side window was bashed out. Someone popped the hood, unlocked the car and disconnected the battery to stop the alarm as Rick and the woman pulled open the trunk.

“No, just leave me.” Rick grabbed the walkie off the bed as Michael lurched over to you.

“I’ve got her.” Rick radioed as the woman got into the car.

“No!” Michael shouted as he punched her hard in the cheek. She smarted and looked over at you.

“Don’t fucking try to go near my son. He hits. Just fuckin’ let him follow (Y/N).” You missed the look the woman gave to Rick as she rubbed her cheek.

“Now he tells us.”

“Michonne, we gotta get her to the infirmary.”

“No just go…” You sobbed as tried to scoot away despite the contraction that was hitting you like a freight train. You held Michael to your side and shook your head.

“Hon, we have to get you inside…”

“(Y/N), get your fucking ass out of the Goddamn car, now!”

“Alright!” You sobbed, not knowing if Negan heard your response or not. You let Michonne and Rick help you out of the trunk and Michael scooted out behind you as fast as he could. You whined as you were lifted into the air and carried toward a house down the block. You forced yourself to focus on your breathing as the sound of little footsteps followed you down the road and then a screech. 

“Quit, kid. I’m just carrying ya.” You glanced over at Carl, who had Michael held out in front of him as far as he could get him as the two of them followed after you, Rick and Michonne. You didn’t even bother to tell your son to relax, figuring instead that him getting a few good kicks and punches in was good karma in this situation.

“What do you need from us?” Rick asked the doctor as he brought you into her house. You took one look at her nervous face as she shook her head and stared at you.

“I need the radio. Anyone that is not a mother that planned on stayin’, get out. Leave my son.” You watched a look of relief wash over the doc’s face as you were set down on the table. Rick handed you the radio as Carl put your son down gladly.

“Michonne, I got this.” You glanced up at a woman with shoulder length brown hair as she walked in while ripping off her jacket. “You deliver him before or after?” You glanced over at your startled son as she corralled everyone outside and closed the door.

“Alone after.” She nodded as she headed over to the sink and quickly washed her hands.

“My name’s Maggie. I’m not a doctor but my dad was. He taught me how to do this. I’ll be in the same boat in seven months and I helped deliver Judith.” You nodded as you stood up and leaned forward on the table where you wanted to be.

“(Y/N).” She nodded and glanced up at you with a small smile.

“Alright, (Y/N). You know as well as I do what to do. You tell me what you need.” Within in minutes, the two of you fell into a nearly silent routine of breathing through contractions and waiting. You only had to wait about five minutes before Negan finally showed up. The moment he walked into the room, your glared at him.

“How the fuck could you leave the fucking keys in the car?” You screamed as you punched him in the chest. “I hate you right now.” He nodded as he picked his son up and brought him over to Simon.

“I fucking know you do.” He closed and locked the main door behind him as he walked over and kissed your forehead. “What do you need?”

“For you to just shut the fuck up.” He nodded as you grabbed onto his arm, painfully. As if your baby girl was just waiting on her daddy, you finally got the need to push. “Now, Maggie.” Your forehead fell onto your husband’s chest and he held your upper arms tight. 

You forced yourself to focus on anything but the pain; like the sweat-slick leather in your left hand, the soft, cotton scarf in your right and the agitating bite of the zipper teeth of Negan’s jacket on your forehead. The room was shockingly quiet, the only sounds made were Maggie’s occasional instruction and Negan’s whispered words of encouragement. What felt like hours but was realistically only a few minutes after he walked in the door, the love of your life got to be the first to hold his baby girl.

“I’ll leave you two alone for a minute.” Maggie said softly as she headed out the door. The second it closed behind her, Negan’s hard facade disappeared.

“Look at her.” He cooed with tears in his eyes. “Hi princess.” He looked down at you the exam table you had collapsed on with a smile. “She’s perfect.”

“She waited for you.” You said as you caught your breath. His smile got impossibly larger as he leaned against the exam table. You gently reached out and brushed the back of your finger across his cheek. “Be easy on them. The kid didn’t know we were in the car. Just thought it was a cool car and they did a good thing helping me.”

“Doesn’t fucking change anything.” You nodded as he gently passed you Kate.

“I know it doesn’t… but the punishment doesn’t warrant Lucille. Make your point, but make it fast.” His brown eyes studied yours for a moment as he slowly shook his head.

“What the fuck did I do to deserve your kind heart, baby girl?” A smile pulled at the corner of your lips and you shrugged.

“I mean, you fucked me like a porn star.” He smiled as he leaned down and kissed your forehead.

“I love you.” You looked up at him and smiled.

“I love you, too.”

——

“So here are your two fucking options.” Negan told the Alexandrian’s as Simon, Maggie and her husband, Glenn helped you and your kids over to the car to go home to the Sanctuary’s doctor a few hours after Kate was born. 

“One, fucking pirate boy gets to meet Lucille for kidnapping my fucking wife and kids. Two, Pirate boy shoots someone of your fucking choosing for kidnapping my fucking wife and kids. One fucking way or another, someone is gunna fucking pay for this shit today.” You glanced up at Negan as you tried to roll yourself onto the new mattress Rick had provided you. You could hear Rick try to protest as Maggie kneeled in the car and passed you Kate.

“Stay here.” You said softly to her as you looked up at her. You shook your head as you glanced over at Negan. “I can’t stop him from what he does… but I can protect you for helping me.” You watched tears well in her eyes as Michael climbed into the car next to you.

“Glenn…” She tried, the name sticking in her throat. “Glenn, come help me with this.” You reached out and took her hand in silent apology. Her husband appeared beside her and kneeled in the trunk as Negan’s voice got a little louder.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered as she clutched her husband’s hand. “Thank you for helping me.” She gave you a weak smile and nodded as tears welled in her eyes.

“What…” Glenn’s words were cut off as a gun shot rang out.

“I’m sorry.” Maggie nodded as she pulled the blanket they had given you over your lap.

“It’s not you.” Her eyes met yours and you both exchanged a weak smile. “If you ever, ever feel unsafe, Alexandria’s doors are open to you and your kids.” You squeezed her hand and nodded as Glenn got out of the trunk.

“Thanks again, Maggie.” She gave you a teary eyed smile and backed out of the car as Negan walked over to ride in the back with you. “If you need anything for yours, please feel free to let me know; mother to mother.” She nodded as Negan looked at you with his eyebrow raised. You looked back at him with your own eyebrows raised, expectantly. “Negan.”

“Thanks for helping my wife.” He said as he got in the trunk and scooted back along the back rows of seats. He reached over and dropped Lucille on the back seat with a smile. He glanced back at Simon and pat the seat. “Let’s go.” You gave Maggie one last smile as one of the guys from the crew shut the trunk. She and Glenn immediately turned and ran off to help with whoever was killed. 

“Mommy, I hold Katie cat now?” You smiled at your oldest and nodded. Negan picked up Michael and scooted to your side to help his oldest hold his youngest. You glanced over your shoulder at Simon as he pulled your car out of the walls of Alexandria.

“You ever fucking leave the Goddamn keys in the fucking car again and I will kill you with Lucille.” He glanced back over his shoulder at you with a smile and a nod.

“Yes ma’am.”


End file.
